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Tuesday, May 26, 2020

I'm scared

everything up to 2017: health is a combination of eating right exercising visiting a doctor

if u want to be better at it you explore the ins and outs of nutrition and different forms of exeecise

a lot of people who don't.. I'm my expeiance are unaware of things like diet is effective at preventing or slowing most cancers most of the time 

probiotics or more so our gut flora build most of our immune system also a reason to eat a barrows diet because those things go out of wack of u eat little varity the different strains and species also need different nutreiance (prebiotic) 

why does that matter... well for one.. a lot of our immunity to pathogens is dependent on state of gut flora 

two some of our fuel requirements arnt direct. aka best form of some nutreiance... as gross as it is.. is we eat something gut bacteria eats it and shits out something that benifits our body 

symbiotic relation 

my mom and dad - 2017 to today: its you hurting yourself you won't go to the doctor

dec 2017 dermatologist "subrehic dermatitis" 

Jan 2018mold pro confirms problems 

Feb 2018 probably the 3rd doc my dad drove me to 2nd he insisted on 

"way someone your age gets better is avoid mold and sounds like u need a lawyer more than a doctor"


then they force the metal hold and then a year and a half of quick trip and stavation

soon on the street 

they are subtle but it is forced 

threats all my stuff fiseapears and poisoning relationships while fasley suggesting time tables for my things being brought back cleaned or accessivle

they change demands and give changing promises 

while the real threats are u avoided starting from 0 on street. 

example Jan 2019 my dad's saying he will pay an associate to help move the storage garage but I have to ask if 16 an hr is OK first

this is setting my expectations on which I then try to build a road map for restoring basics at new living space 

do u invent more hrs on day while u are malnourished and terrified? me either I use them less efficiently because my body is falling apart. 

but point is prioritizing itself takes concentration and time 

I stupidly ask the associate.. he of course agrees.. my dad takes like 2 weeks to again allow this addressed then wants me to talk down his own 16 an hr to 14 still won't put money up front  

empty apt and Clyde gets sick

I can now bearly stand up with out feeling I'm going to fall over. I'm balding all metrics of health are know off and 2 years ago I'm saying I know me my body is saying stop damage is being done 


I'm now facing poverty inability to rent because my parents told hennepin County courts I said things

they have both said they own me while starving me

they have both shoved me in anger

my mom tried to push me over the railing to the basement repeatedly and as I defused the situation she screams I brought u into this world I can take you out

then the police assisted them in taking all my property 0 notice eviction 

reminder I moved back in at 29.

i left for Fargo ND in 2006.

im going to be dead before the end of 2020 if some sanity isn't applied 

I went to the gas station an hr  ago to grab a bite then find something better. now instead I'm back shitting my guts out on the toilet and every half decent meal is closed. only thing I. kitchen is Clyde in the freezer

biggest worry and or hate or regret if u drop is what happens to my old friend 

I had a dream after he died.. the sort of vivid lucid one that is rare and sometimes fun but often disturbing.. this was the later  and not very long cause I sat up screaming. 

Clyde's body hitting the dumbster at this fucking abduction cell of an apt I've been trapped in. 

last summer I was begging for my bike back while saying I can't clean ur moldy car if I have to drive it for every meal

while saying vit d exercise and mild UV all good for most things I need right now

3x fucking psychopaths waved it around on driveway 

last of which I already figured out.. if I set foot on their property it gives them more power or any officer who's sick of this or just a freak themselves more power to harm me than if I stay on public road. 

like Feb this year I again asked for my bike via text.. 

something like dad I have a move coming up and I can bearly make it up a flight of stairs anymore I really need my bike back

"if you can't make it up the stairs why would u need your bike?" 

micromanaging abhorent monster

then like 4 days ago or when ever the run in was he's standing there with cops itching to put ms in jail

cops playing his tactics.. like 3x ask if I'm going to be civil he wants to talk to me but I have to be civil.. 

none of these officers has ever witnessed me be anything but. 

why would u tell me 3x I have to be civil? 


back handed attempts to prevoke?


so my dad comes over and is barking right up the go to Dr tree. then pretending he doesn't know that the stuff he's holding.. by holding it in garage os allowing it to keep being damaged by moisture alone and grow more mold on garage

they put it there when house was being pro remediated 

I stay calm and eventually realize I can't anymore if this doesn't stop so I ask if we can be done with this to an officer 

they had to ask him like 3x to step away and then step Infront of him as he tried to come back to the car 

I know myself. I am not the person they paint me as 

I am not going to be much longer at all at this rate 

there is no point in going to a doc when 0 basics for health are obtainable. 

there is no point in going when my primaries advice from 2 years ago can't be followed and general tenants of healthy living held out of reach esp when the forced mallard duck encounter at riverside in patient avairium then added an ehr stating the real risk I was then forced to clean is in my head 



thing is... it might be 

but things out of my control and orders enforced by positions of power or authority... that's what created this problem 

look above.. everything I talked about if not changed makes anti fungal a worthless and they carry a high risk of liver damage 

that's why systemic anti fungle arnt given out like antibiotics or just in case

a lot of foods can help.. basic tenants of health help prevent infection and fight it/recover

westernmedicin is really good at a few cases where the body is overwhelmed that isn't an excuse to force someone the risk of liver damage by forcing exposure and destroying all tenants of health nor will not fixing that likely result in a postive outcome 

even with out the above this last 3 years is not a good stage setter for the hopes of seeing 50

but I brought it on myself for not being further right? 

well let's see
(read other posts)  I had made a substantial amount even before leaving hs and 2005 to 2009 one client was like 6k profit from just hardware builds. aka no support or hrly and one client 

substantial relative to other people my age or in general between say 16 and 22?

if we don't subtract the last 3 years does it still average a little low on the years after? sure does

are u saying that justifies destroying everything I earned and I should starve because of it? 

or rather I never owned anything because of this? 

seems like it. 

if you are might I suggest a enormous expidion off a length impaired precipice? 

oh oh but shift deflect new topic mod the argument shift and come back around to how it's OK I'm being repeatedly subjected to mgod enforced loss and risk to my life 

no fuck head I'm not playing your game anymore 

stop 

I'll die knowing u are a murderer

 and the "you" here is marlene Paul and every officer who has either directly played these games or watched. and some duck who quacks in Russian and swims along the Mississippi. 

a few mgpd officers have tried really hard not to play these games, participate or let the image of officer or reality of justice created or destroyed be tarnished by their actions. 

to them I'm incredibly grateful even in this shit position 

over all though please tell me why we arnt educating the children and public that

if someone makes a false report

you can be abducted
you have no right to eat
you have no property rights 
you have no right to have the record set straight 
you will be told how fortunate iante you are while you are murdered.. 

that might actually be trying to cover the truth but telling it anyway. 

slippery slope is a fallacy is a fallacy 

no I didn't stutter 

the correct fallacy is: (hi! Billy mase here with oxymoron) 

slippery slope can be a fallacy 

as can appeal to authority 

do they deserve it on merit and explenation or are they a thug with a badge? er... title 

it's odd to me how media seems to mistakenly state the first one all the time and the second one I brought up is likely to be mentioned in 200 years with a conercial break interrupting it mid sentance 

so yeah maybe it this kills me I am fortunate didn't some book talk about the meek inheriting the earth? 

that was actually something on my mind a few months ago as covid started.. gee Bonnie, Clyde and Cosmos are gone and now the plague starts.. 

quiet in the avairium.. or get back to ur usual slaughter of lambs 

ha there's some image 

psychologists making the mississippi run blood red. while nearby pomp and circumstance is playing for this crop of pharm ds
`
I'm also pretty concerned these days.. if a printed sheet of txts possibly cheery picked can be handed to our feathered billed friend boris 

or let's say in general in MN.. if we then don't go through it item by item. unless I'm expending near paranoid amounts of time and energy just to be humn ND arrr ne wy
thAn dis plus lack of context which any given doc might have amplified by cherry picked bits of convo with out the context its just that

what are the odds that Mal intent or trying to help either way 

fruit salad yummy yummy
derp word vodka chewing 
gum frais
 salad mini jupe de caress 

could be misidentified or seemingly justifiably to even other professionals.. applied as a symptom? 

even outside of avian studdies (quack) 

isn't it general knowledge there are many levels to conversation and preexisting knowledge of events between people that know each other might lead to something an outsider doesn't understand or events preceding the convo regardless of relation to the other party? 

ack I just fried my brain
or the fact that I just had the. shits after the tiny gas staion meal 

I'm gonna be dead soon it this fakatka drek is allowed to continue 

it was a murder.  


side note I didn't have to look that up nor is that what I see when I look at things. psych at ndsu had a really passionate professor.. British guy liked to joke about how they drive on the right side of the road. what I can see in my head is an image of the video simulation of a day in the life of.. that he showed us.. wanna say... 2008 

Theres some kids show that wasn't around when I was young but was a popular meme for a while "fruit salad yummy yummy" was a song from it 

the other words are from here 

https://youtu.be/VbwHoctqdgE

I'm not quite sure how that came together but when it did it seemed enough random and yet some how fitting that I went with it... now if I could get my chest to calm the duck down... 

no that's auto correct being modest I didn't intend anything about my mother here

I better stop I can't handle the shits and vomiting I'm already shitting Morr than I eat 


one last disclaimer yeah I meant this to be a bit fucked up cause I am terrified. dark humor is like food when Paul and Marlene own u... not everyone gets it.. 

there's a lot of errors above but of those that arnt by fat thumbs and sore eyes and attention deficit anything but proof read.. I started playing with errors and style as a means... after the (hopefully) inconspicuous tilde (by pharmd) 

that was me attempting a psych version of a Rick roll but even that kinda serves the point... overall ethics in medicine seems to be in a state of rott and it is going to have a pile of bodies on its hands soon

I have to look it up (because disappearing messages is a pain) but a friend in another state had sent me something that fits well here

its now a very old study with many disputes as to its validity 

but it was about a Geting into a psych ward with seemingly mondane symptoms and then the difficulty of being established sane again later


well what about when u have expert testimony but the talking mallard duck quacks something about patients arnt allowed phones on the ward then declares u a Harry wizard 

I'm gonna be a can of planters pretty soon.. all that's left ft is spite and sarcastic sartire 


what else would you expect? I'm the product of a society that is at its core such a Rick roll that our core belief of consume and obey was crafted by the double nephew of a man who had a hell of a time keeping up with white powdered jones (see "sigmund Freud cocaine" & Edward Burnais via duck duck go) 🦆

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