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Monday, May 25, 2020

mom, dad, mgpd

mom and dad 
I have never once watched fear cross either of your faces on the last 3 years  anger and sadistic joy ocassionaly feigned sympathy or empathy but u usually reveal that's a tone u wear like a hat or a mask.

in the last year on rent alone u spent about 10k just to keep me in harms way cleaning your moldy car while dad said " I own you"  mom said "if we give him his stuff back he will just waste his time"

while telling me directly my projects were worthless yet unable to name even the project titles and controlling what was allowed answered even if I had the cognative wherewithal to remember to ask define worthless when 2 of them were paid for by 2 parties that are not family members

the common definition of worth seems to be met when someone is paying 

my worth is degraded in several ways when you first agree to finance the start up period then take everything I ever had and things other people paid for or owned and intruststed to me for repair and prompt return. 

while u ignored (or count on the burn) 
of reason after reason I'm sick or shouldn't be allowed to compete a well laid plan I demonstrated I was following, put everything into and had several pivots incase of part not working out and incase it did to maxamize gain. 

while still in st cloud in 2017 while building the shop Geting ready to properly create an actual llc (not required persay but useful is an inventory of assets... scsu biz law, the protection is only as good as seperation of entities) 

first lie was I made myself sick playing with chemicals... I knew I had not. I filled university lab Chem searched edu sites for Chem compatibility charts for gloves and plastic tank reassurance. looked up what the hazards are with the intended etchant I was mixing. mixed it in driveway of detached garages at that last apt, in glass inside a plastic tub.. open air still wearing a full face respirator with appropriate carts because main risk was reaction produced heat and above a level I no longer recall you get free chlorine gas. I limited the size and only did two Mason jars worth (small ones) had a bucket with lid for first rinse and those got tossed after another rinse.  had dual sink vanity and used one for Chem one for hygiene. had the mdss printed and on my builtin board. actual Etch tank was then enclosed by plastic line wood crate heavy enough / built by me to be heavy enough where only way that acid spilled was if a tornado took the balcony out of kansas. at that point the little bit of cupric chloride would have been the least of anyone's concerns. wore respirator as splash shield when actually etching gloves and aprin. 

the first go to is John's dumb even if we tell others otherwise 

the next lie after bugs already proven is I made up the bugs and mold because I lacked the technical ability. Marlene I don't hover mom cause I say so.... no u swoop in drop a nuke for no reason because u lack the relevant details and or knowledge to make informed judgment but grab the reigns and pull hard at a concrete divider then tell me I failed. yet when u were teaching at st Kate's and needed power points made early 2000s..who did you have doing that? only to later reuse this when the web server for client was taking longer while ignoring I'm saying I need my second monitor.. flat out tell me I've done it on my laptop so far that should be all I need. because of u if I want to look something medical up, even before sci or psych at ndsu mentioned what a journal is... I knew that's where you find better sources or the most valid understandings we have so far. u do 0 research into my world can't name titles of what im doing.. had no idea that back in 2009 I had a full blown  citric xen hypervisor server in my apt while I was installing hyperv from msnd for my ndsu internship with biz department on switching to mis. you don't know what a hypervisor is though I'm sure I've talked about it at the dinner table. but the idea to switch the ms dynamics gp 10 teaching environment from a row of space heaters (like 10 round front dell optiplex desktops as servers) to the 2 new rack servers and one old one... mine all the way back then. my implementation. successful implementation. during same semester I had fixed expenses of lease and contracted utilities, u had told me to get a job, I got the paid internship. 
you were not happy with how much it paid despite me saying "I can not graduate with out one" so u cut the not truthful number u and dad throw out.. numbers below even rent ignoring the internship was 30hrs a week and I had fucking 16 credit hrs. u are fucking psychotic hover bitch never pleased and knows nothing doesn't try to but always knows best and has to lead. I kept that 3 semesters and was officially let go due to GPA stipulation not job preformance. it's been 10 years or so now so it's probably safe to mention: I was told in confidence afterwords the department had to cut one of the two positions anyway. the other intern? both in your freezer section at the grocery store and on the college alum monitary contrabution to new building list. the son bearing that last name was my fellow intern also a kind and highly knowable/smart guy, there was no snob attidue about him.. u wouldn't have known and for all the right reasons (he clearly had an upbringing with manners.. the song reasons would be the networth=better person and I never got even a hint of that from him. the last time we talked his advice was good and still applies if not for the same reason... laslo didn't really cover npd sabotage(round about but I'm already nesting parentheses again(scope? can't... court ordered distruction of life for parents lies prohibits scope in any context except the range of the concepts domain.. u still with me? )) 

just saying it wasn't going to be him... like unless he was caught everything on fire holding a blowtorch and can of gas probably still required a devious grin lol. 

but what the absolute fuck Is Wong with you mom? 

back on Hardware project at your and dad's moldy lit by gas lamp it's not flickering my hands not on the fucking knob so what u have a recording... home 

I said I had one part untested of all the projects but required for the main paid one. 

do u know what iterative design is? I already knew the concepts worked because I built the most basic example first then added complexity, bread board, proto board, cad design etched pcb. 

so the one part of one I hadent yet tested.. 

my problem is to the extent anyone can be.. i am honest while u are out to prove failure staring at sucess with out a fucking clue as to relevant theory or homework done  the actual highly technical device at which u judge

I said from start of apt hell:

as soon as I have a flat space I can sit at for any length of time and not have the issues in apt.. it's at most a week and got it running in 2 days

dad, operating along same lines and or competition bans me from using the required tool to finish the contracted projects while stuck in the moldy house. 

again attention to detail. it was a welder. a spot welder to assemble lithium ion packs from cells. industry standard mfg process to build large packs with out large boom risk from China and with  out large prices 

the spot welders made for this and made with any actualy quality cost $3000

its hard to seperated costs as physical location was being Jared and I had a million jobs while doing this repair and setting up shop on 3rd floor of building sans elevator.. 

mine probably cost 400 and enabled both selling the pcb as a blank board.. batch of 100 is 10 to 15 a board. at the time I got mine working someone else doing this had just started doing this.. 10ish dollar board (I know because I know criteria that determine what it cost to have a board made its an estimate but probably decent to good) 

he was selling out selling it for 200usd
just drop a parts list of what to order and solder to the u unpopulated board. the pcb design is the hard part that stops most people. 

it enables rebuilding power tool batteries in the agreed on shop. like I said I had well laid and thought through plans on an already made agreement and had stated during that it would be 5mo to a year before break even or any profit. 

I needed this tool for 3 projects come to think of it. 

so knowing those bat cells are bombs and I designed this microprocessor controlled ultracapacitor powered spot welder from scratch and one of my first designs

logic in me said... hmm maybe I should do quite a few welds just with nickle tab to nickle tab. where as it's normaly nickle tab to battery/cell and other end to another cell. look up what those terms specificly mean this is long enough. cause I was pretty sure I was going to first foot pedal press either get too much of not enough power 

with welding too much is hole blown in things. 

do that to a lithium ion 18650 and ur day is gonna get shitty at best

so that's what I did 

spark throws me for a loop. I had a full face respirator on and hood up around it. still surprised me so I reach around stupidly for a moment. the notebook on the notebook was anticipating a spark and the soft plastic of lcd screen.. the lighter was a for effort c for execution.. could have been a interesting firework.. I'm not perfect but I this was pretty far outside of sane condtiotions 

adjusting pulse width. 

testing weld to failure 


few mornings later I can't shake moldy smell... 






me after like a month and a half and 3 hotels then questionable legal abduction at officer point to be signed off by doc I never met before. yeah I look a bit perturbed. I was in a hotel working on Geting static ipv4 addresses maped through a centos 7 vps running lxc lxd and using ipvlan driver in pass through mode (before it was native) then I find not only am I homeless I'm carless

I had used containers because I needed a demo environment and production web server (was implementing a proper cart system) also litespeed enterprise web server had just came out with free tier of liscense. catch was it can only see 2gb of ram... so seemed like good place for mem. limit. strict or what ever the syntax is 

I really wish I could eat something right now
34 miles to e on car. if I go to parents still holding most of my stuff... jail.. if I call jail

if you want to extract tons of labor from a Tennant u claim to own.. move to mn rent a room in a house.. st cloud seems more concerned with appropriate uses of police force I've had 4 runnins in last year.. 0 in the 5 before. 2 were welfair checks called in by my dad after ofps passed but wernt served. officer didn't find the second appropriate (I talk more in depth on that elsewhere) 

the other relevant one was a phone convo with my dad. I Parked back of a fricking Mc donnalds lot cause it was heated.. some idiot has to park next to me. car so disassembled I couldn't roll my window up/switch was disconnected. I'm banging my hand on arm rest reiterating "WHY CAN YOU NOT ADMIT TO A WORD U SAID 2 SECONDS AFTER IF IT' DOESN'T SUIT YOU?" 

all the sudden I'm surrounded... maybe my dad hung up used vzw locator or maybe the dude who had to park next to me back of lot

someone called in I'm threatening gun violence... I'm sitting thee going ffs why do I try (in my head) 

rhcp has a lyrical verse about the terror verb.. or image of violence is abstracted. if it was the dude next to me and it wasn't a set up I probably tripped his mental archatyoe of terror. lots of other explenations abound but I know I didn't talk violence or weapons... 

I was pissed because the level of attempting to fuck with the targets.. dad this is u to me... level of trying to screw with my head is nothing he says was said 2 seconds after if it's wrong or doesn't suit the argument or a liability.. but he might say it again 2min later. 


sometimes I end up screaming "YOUR WORDS DO NOT DEFINE MY SUBJECTIVE OR OBJECTIVE PAST PRESENT OR FUTURE" 

If I didn't have half... well some fraction of and dwindling a head on my shoulders I wouldn't even be here to write this probably  tragic novella 


my dad knowing none of this hears me mention toxic fumes and insists I no longer use it at his house. 

I hate u both so much u are fucking sick. nothing about me demonstratabley matters to u except when u need me or extract postive or negative feed from what I do or the pitty me for my hellion 

I'm typing this half bald 5 plus years no social contact when I did get invited out on 30th bday but Paul a week before is coming to me for emotional support because he doesn't have enough friends. while if I leave house in up to no good and actually just my existance is the problem.. if paul or Mar is anything except big day big man... I need to be every negative worse. somewhat siclical.. but the mold was a lasting rage trigger if I have this dialed in. 

so night of my birthday dado ignores I had lived in fago 8 years driven in every snow storm never stranded never wrecked. takes my keys to prevent me from invite to celebrate my 30th with a couple I met first week in st cloud in 2014(apt neighbors had bought a house somewhere after) 

had to protect me from piddily snow storm 

but maybe an hr later my dad wants me to ride shot gun on a joy ride because "I like driving in the snow" 

as

 dad bans me from using it and mom starts throwing away and hiding parts and tools every time I turn around.

my clean clothes 2x disappeared from the room suposed to be mine

the rules about what I could do in my room fluxuated based on do we need someone to yell at today(seemingly)

"waaa my eyes hurt" "waaa my credit score "

one day mom gives two commands I've long since forgotten I said "mom those are conflicting directives"

"I know that's the point"
 another day

"your problems are boring and take too long" 

you both (p&m) verbatim to me

 "were the same person" 

"I get what I want when I want" 

get do screw hurt endanger lie to

means to the I want end. that's making ur son likely to find end if he wants it or not and the type of end that's face down in a gutter 

it was specific ly proven your guyses mistake. not the bugs at the apt but.. mold Jan 2018 he determined it had started with vapor barrier carpet pad on sealed cement slab.. zone moisture was trapped. 

at one point after mom says 

"ive decided there no longer were any bugs"

your behavior compared to your images and reputation 

you are like children pointing hair trigger drumb fed a10 wart hog cannons at my life and dumping the drumb for your mistakes, pointing it out, trying to leave, trying to stay, trying to have any purpose or direction in life, trying to do what I needed to do.

trying to capatilize on the opertunities my abilities improved with experience and learning about technical subjects and mysel

trying to find security through thatf

tying in over a decade worth of social connections 

you fucking demolish it full drum into it if the wind blows wrong, point the a10 at it eject wait till flame is out light it on fire again with gas piss on it 

then tell me I'm sick and I've never cared for myself in slightest 

ignoring that rewriting the past is not OK. never OK. not healthy. not yours to redefine as u see fit. 

ignoring that yes there are some tasks I've yet to demonstrate, but largely those were things like taxes where you hired an expert and had mine done. I was asking u end of 2016 start of 2017 to mention to tax lady I was about to file an llc. that I knew how to do. 2 consecutive news paper listing, have to have... blanking on name.. registered agent? basicly be able to accept mail and being served, file wirh state for something a roughly around 100 (its been a while) and as I mentioned above the limited liability part.. I had a decent grasp on how to make that actually work and inventory of assets would also be good for insurance and to have in general like for my fucking compound miter mig welder and computer that walked out of the garage u forced me into last year... 3 weeks ago.  renters insurance? serial numbers? 

you fucking criple me while starving me and say my empty tourcher cell kitchen is stocked with bibs while filing ofps 20 days before lease ended while I didn't even have a car to get to court. while u are still destroying most of or all of my things. I can show mold on everything given back. untill it's felt with even if I have it it's being destroyed. 

this apt comes in and I plugs dehumidifier in garage. keeping humidity low prevents growth and moisture damage in general

u picked a tourcher cell and spent 10k holding me in your hell then tell police we give him all this money while doubling or Tripp long the estimate I gave but delivering half 

even when I was in hotels.. dad probably knew from start... tax goes away after 30days. even after that finally happened (5 hotels like a ping-pong ball) 

nope... u will spend 3500 a month to keep me bouncing hotels with clothes in trash bags but then while still saying find a shop and all the sudden snow had made mom's then my car wet majority of time 1400 deposited knowing I did the math on eating out 1200-1500 knowing the car is a biohazard and every time I got in it I'm gushing blood

me saying Clyde is sick... 

first time I went 4 days hungry I had told my dad I'm down to 100 and they had put in like 1300 demanding I remediate their car or my stuff disappears. 

day b4 hunger starts I tell him that 3 days in he won't address I can't eat. he's made me sent him detailed expenses 2x... puts 200 more in on day 4... "for stuff I need" 

refusing to acknowage I haven't been able to fucking eat for 4 days. or that I had said repeatedly.. 

u can't do this here or at all unless u can dry it out after u treat it. needing it for every meal makes that unlikely to work

it actually made it dangrous because caustic not dry solution dripping on ur head. costs 30 a gallon doesn't work until it dries.. wiping it off is a waste. 

they will burn my things my money and theirs to harm or kill me for their mistakes

I realize I'm jumping perspectives... I need to fucking eat I need to be able to have any comfort or control of my time

I am being held hostage 

I said from start it's also dangrous as everything I read says u need to be able to step out of demolding area remove clothes and put on clean ones or u track it into living space... 

naked through apt hallway? no vacuum my ass off and laundry all day every day 

this is so fucking.. why do I care if I live 
close up of tablets/phones below 

menards floor dryer modified to hepa air mover. that's a 200 dollar purchase with the only actual money I made this last year (web server  for a biz) 

this was maybe 200 to 250 again with server check 

kinda useless as I can't put anything in it when I can't eat. 

same with shelving mom and dad's mo is double or triple number communicated based sometimes on estimated need sometimes on agreement before.. usually if I get it it's 2 to 3 chunks and a week of trying to get a hold of them sometimes hungry on predicted short fall. 


didn't have washers on hand






sun roof in 9 months offorced labor on mold car


most of my stuff was transfered to their 3rd garage stall while I was geting a mental diagnosis for delusions of mold and they were paying to have house I was locked out of professionally remediated.

aka ensure my stuff keeps taking damage. that is what my 400usd ociliscope looks like at the moment

bought with 2016 tax return... among other things. 

the garage shelving is like 150 if u catch it on sale... there's 4 units  I think it was 200 for 2 of them.. I was stuck with car parts everywhere an not predicted budget no place to even lay out and organize a plan then garage space plus car parts.. time to buy shelf oops hungry again. like right now 
like even with out toxic exposure thisbyetlar let alone alst 3 would be not good for anyone's odds of seeing 50



this was my high school bedroom (above) 
wall is back of house... almost entire... this room had the carpet and pad before remediation as well


this was 10x10 room.. why is that taped? pipe access but mainly my dad refused to even look at it while they were gaslighting what mold guy had found and that wasn't on list




stuff recovered this year and car (bellow) 




ac on apt


one day upstairs vac won't turn on... there's ur problem

cramming it back on case was hardest part


I treated all exposed sheet rock with 30 dollar a gallon mold conotrol solution (encapsulates.. I'm not a pro but I didn't want to add problems to property not mine.. spraying this patch probably helped slow it... it was preexisting mainly dark damn no air circulation.. duh.. arguably once it's in sheet rock it should be removed but not my building and I'm not a pro. us also has pathetic ly little regulation compared to other nations. this stuff is not good for u. I have a theory that we didn't want another housing collapse as a lot of the research seems to be produced around that time. that said I've seen very little of what exists and it's hard to cohesive ly see my fingers on my hand let alone timeline with this constant hell forced) 


apt they picked already had issues, 

this is under the unit next to mine.. I. general this design isn't great wirh out climate control in garage

unit above.. well over one but same thin

2x dehumidifiers and it's 50 percent moment one fills

that is the rapid growth line as well

humidity wise

just a few days ago.. holding more mail





inside their basement wall




u provided bibs u don't see how I can't cook in this empty kitchen. 

I musta sat at apt the first 2 weeks not knowing how go change the tire... I changed thag first night 

then dad insists the apt will throw me out for using my mig welder here

flash back to how admately he was against me taking auto shop in hs. 

I taught myself on Josh losemoores Lincoln flux core 10 years ago, bought him a cart as a thanks (and because welding on ground and dealing with non movable awkward fees... nope...

I watched prices for 9 years on the 140 amp machines. 

400 to 600 usd up and down 

metal wire drive is ideal gas is good included regulator sucks but wth... holy shit northern clearenced v1 of their normaly 500usd machine to 150.

which is why I picked it uo

also dad's insisting I find a shop the first 10 months here but not making with even what was needed to fix threat to my life car threat to babies at children's nicu previously. 

but dad would stop and tell me if I weld here the apt will kick me out.. 

they were concerned the cylinder needed to be chained as per code that was all I heard on that subject. 

them 3 weeks ago my computer, welder and compound miter saw walk out of the garage while daf had the remote to the garage

but thanks to ofp I'm siting here broke and lost the highest value assets I had either acquired since or gotten back from your hell hold and spiteful wasteful distruction of my body mind life will to live ability to function health and soon pulse itself

you got me a mental diagnosis for bugs and mold while my microscope showed bugs, the vet was pretty sure there were bugs there but you to kept me so spun round I couldn't even find the pictures I had  during th apointment

you arnt harmful u are corosive disfiguring and damn near evil. the last bit is because u hit someone society expects u would never hurt

you do so for your mistakes, mentioning your mistakes to you, mentioning to others, just the mistakes existing, clearly sometimes competition is involved. dad took apart and broke the vacuum as I came home from having taught myself UV lithography pcb CAD tabbed the tools to make the cad design and made working boards 

your son does that and u make ur house and ur sickness.. 

I'm sitting here hungry 2 ofps empty apt with Clyde in freezer body shot to hell cause despite loving to cook and begging for mg bike last summer and this one... can't even have those basics 

I've said from start 

desk, chair, place to file docs, kitchen stuff, place to store clean clothes, printer. 

henery woods (my CPA it support client who used to have a 3 person office in Plymouth) gifted me a work group Laser in like 07. it's not worth much now but I'm not asking for anything I didn't have or at some point buy myself build myself or get from someone other than you two. 

I was asking for pretty fucking basic adult basic function things while u sit there trying to build mental health mental ward cases I can't care for myself 

totally destroying any attempt to even do what my primary said in Feb 2018... avoid mold


no u add 2 years fast food stressed almost weekly to point of seeing stars telling me it's not there paying to fix it for you

surprise snow blows through car vents as lease starts 

bigger surprise u won't admit or perhaps not a surprise... the drain tubes were plugged on the sun roof. 

there was enough water where 2 hrs in the rain and rounding a corner (with headliner removed) my head got wet. 

key thing is it wouldn't have been enough to soak through... it's 200x more than the humidity in air mold needs. 

mom u risked the lives of sick newborns while to this moment trying to kill your son in every way that applies including screwing with doctors image of me out right trying to push me over a railing and saying I brought you into this world I can take you out of it 

for what? what do u accomplish here other than distruction of your family line and another human life for the cheep fucking monetary nothing that I bet is the only thing u feel























this was right before Cosmos died. note her cost is shrfong but she's not covered in caked on shit like the last 8 mo of por Bonnies life at my parents

 while they decided against Bonnie and Clyde's wishes and my own which cage should be for what rabbit

decided I know nothing my rabbits are lonely not sick 

they had documented bacterial infections and legions that only cleared up with flea tick and mite treatment

dad stopped giving the anti biotics while I'm banned from house at hotel 

tells me they seemed fine so he stopped. even after I could explain how antibiotic resistance works as she well as could and probably recite it in my sleep.. I never once got rxed antibiotics with out hearing don't stop them early from marlene wuethrich. 

yet... 

Clyde is still in my freezer

this is the sickest fucking horror show of abhorent trash pretending to be human that the police have ever enforced in mg. I know this only because I'd say I ahad a good bead on the 3rd at one point. guy named Elliot. long story 

end of the day life suffering etc heses some hard truth. 

in 2006 I graduated mgsh and spent 45days alone backpacking Europe with out having to call home for cash. I called home all of once. I had a dream Cosmos cat was sick. when I got back they told me a kidney infection almost took his life. 

both my parents and mgpd have said things like I need to demonstrate I can make it own my ownfuck u turn back time and tell me that in hs or before. show me in the law book where it says no money I earned is mine I have no rights for 

accepting 

money offered 

I mean by this logic if I toss you a penny and u don't take it as an excuse to draw and empty the clip into my back... the moment you catch the penny o own all of your stuff

yeah its a rediculous comparison with the penny that's kinda the point. 

with the clip there's maybe 5 mpgpd officers I wouldn't ever expect to draw (cause I know me and I know I'm a rational person) 

but from what I saw the other night of quite a few others... .everyone was polite but talking between eachother
were looking for any reason they could think of to throw me in jail after a year and a half ago they started participating in all your stuff is moved back in now you just don't live here anymore 

nope not theft u gave it to them when u moved out. 

I wasn't aware I was going to all the sudden I just didn't have occupancy due to lock change

is this why mg had an issue with low income housing for so long? whole town has restraint issues when it comes to easy targets and beating dead horses? 

so once again forced to drive away in mom and dads car from all the still being destroyed keepsakes, assets (tools) and personal effects including Bonnies remains... 

with 100 dollars cash 

and knowing the lease was up March 31st 2020 

during covid

this doesn't help anybody but mgpds odds of liability by possibly killing someone who had the audacity to move back in with his parents 

through out this many officers have indicated I should trust my parents or how kind they are being 


you guys (and galls... officers...)  realize the police used to give the guy who made lampshades from his kills a ride home? Im blanking on dudes name... I'd say I need that light bulb moment... oh that's shades of morbid. dark humor is like food when Paul wuethrich owns you.. not everyone gets it. 

it seems either feigned ignorance and or possibly some forces with in the force are too forced prospective? 

what are you when u lose sight of the stated objective through the collateral? or is the esoteric bit of protect and serve... whom? 

peace 

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