I wanted to post something constructive. I haven't seen a whole lot of articles on how to support those experiencing npd or aspd abuse. I have a feeling some just dont get it. Others have got it a bit too hard too often. Not claiming this is great but here's a crack at "it"
If your house is burning down...
Do you blame the passing flock of birds? fish in the river?
If your Boeing 737 max is pointing its nose at the ground,,,
Do u send the CO pilot to investigate the lug nuts on the landing gear?
If your Samsung note 7 is on fire in your pocket
Do you adjust the air conditioning in the room?
So we're probably all in agreement that the above do not follow. Or the above statements are at all a non sequitur. But actually, I should point out if for whatever reason Birds got it in them to pick up burning twigs it might be a worthwhile failure analysis to blame the birds but while the house is burning no. There's no conscious intent by the bird. People on the other hand who want to hurt you need blame assigned or you will be hurt. Here's something that bugs me no pun intended
What the child of a true narcissist experiences
if your house is burning down and your parents are sitting on a near by hill with a sniper rifle and can of gas...
as you doge bullets trying to Bucket Brigade your house in the background and or in your face someone will insist
"YOU CAN'T BLAME YOUR PARENTS"
And if you take a direct hit to the heart the social stigma will keep anybody from helping you. This needs to stop.
More of an Attack Than Constructive Criticism
Especially in my case as an only it's very hard to hang on to the fact that they will actively sabotage. No one wants to believe that especially not the person whose parents are doing it. No you aren't probably that person if you're saying me above and if you were God help you. you've live to become the sickness you despised.
- offer a couch for the night.
- offer a few bucks. Either as a loan or as hey take it you need it
- don't put yourself out even kind words usually help.
- offer a distraction. ones mind stuck on one track is not usually conducive to problem-solving
- offer them an ear. but if you do this do not judge. listen putting yourself in the story as if you were living it. its ok to tell them how that would make you feel and or validate their emotions. friends, couples... not just npd abuse victims... mirroring is something that helps people bond, overcome trauma and or find peace.
- If your name is Mike Tyson offer them stitches and their ear back.