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Thursday, September 24, 2020

Another event relevant

 A day or two before the emergency medical hold I'm talking to my dad in the parking lot of a hotel that I basically spent the night in because the overnight girl but didn't have my room the next day I'm talking to him in the parking lot and he's playing every game like he does and I start having a panic attack and I dropped the phone. It goes under the seat and it was on speaker


I said Dad please stop talking stop please stop I'm having a panic attack or something along those lines I indicated I am freaking out stop


Exaggerated voice and tone he's going hello hello hello hello hello


Dislike especially before test at NDSU or just whenever person who claims he owns me don't like terrorizing he would call six times in a row sometimes more and sometimes call my girlfriend if I didn't answer


Even when I would try and no uncertain terms to say Dad you make me think someone is dying every time you do that. It didn't matter you would literally respond well I wanted to talk to you. That should have been a sign. She's also always want everything detailed even if like 2 weeks that passed and it was the night before a math test I wonder how much of a schedule he knew. But drop everything you're doing and tell me just like you did last week every step to graduation or I'll keep calling and calling and calling and ignore that I'm tripping anxiety like crazy because of what happened. Which is why I tried to let him know in no uncertain terms because I also didn't want to guilt him because that's not something he could control that he had he is supposed to be capable of having control that


Last two years of high school where I found him almost dead then another 11 hour surgery or 8 hours somewhere in there aortic aneurysm


And then my last grandparent my grandmother on my mom's side passed away the first year college I was the one who called the ambulance for my dad in 2004 I almost didn't see like I could have forgiven or wrote off most of what was all the place until I saw the cordless phone antenna over his shoulder pointed at the TV. I have been let off of McDonald's 3 hours early due to lack of demand.

Ironically one of my best friends from Fargo then needed an ambulance second semester of first-year I was sitting on his couch and he dropped in the kitchen ironically well describing how he passed out in class

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