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SCREAM

 quite frequently I wake screaming the name Bonnie or Clyde. What I dont Need is court order to someone to teach me what coping mechanisms are, or how important a sense of purpose is. what i dont need is court order to take time for that or basic skills, ive learned them and ive learned what personally works efficiently for me, what matters to me what im good at. 

it takes cognitive effort and time to recalculate priorities. it takes nutrition for cognitive function. terror and esp the type caused by trauma and denial is starting to gather medical evidence it may cause brain damage. go figure when someone lies to put blame on you for things they do in mallice that risk your life....while telling you that u never did never could... it starts to cause issues with areas related to deciosn making/executive function (prefrontal cortex?(top of my head no pun intended) ) and memory.


thats with out starvation by means of theft, police selectively non enforced theft, threat to life and lives of what were technically ...er well first friend, but technically therapy companion animals? why did i have bonnie and clyde? I was given a pass by dr to override no pet policies because 2nd year at ndsu i had been seeing someone on my choice( and while my parents demanded to know why i thought they screwed me up so bad i needed psych services...guilty conscience?) seeing someone about the anxiety caused by getting off work 3 hrs early in 04 and as my foot hit the stair to go to my highschool basement bedroom, in front of me i saw an antenna rise over my dads shoulder. asprin, 911, note, cosmos in master bedroom, grab phone book, pocket cordless phone, falling back on basic aid training trying to find pulse in mean time and couldn't on his wrist maybe on his neck but ear to his chest i knew his heart was beating. called my best friends dad from the ambulance because my mom lacked a cellphone and i figured a note wasnt the way you want to learn this news. he went to the house and waited. it would be 3 hrs before she made norths er. i was 16. i didnt think i just did and then realized i might want to see someone to help the process. 

that anxiety was something he played while condemning me for wanting help. how? all through my time in nd... if he wants to talk to me, no matter how many times I explain, my phone ringing non stop 3 to 10 times in a row then sometimes he would even call my girlfriend. ... DAD THAT TRIPS MY ANXIETY. 

"i wanted to get a hold of you"

2018 - "I need control because i want control"

2020 - " why are you telling everyone what im like? and you are telling everyone. Everyone who knows me already knows how i am"

and if his words to be believed the judge is ready to order an execution of me for their mutual perversions . 


my stomach currently hurts like hell from hunger

I'm beginning to understand what the qualifier.. 2 weeks if otherwise healthy is o. how long one can go with out food


what I don't understand is how law can ignore even psychological research Minnesota itself conducted. actually physiological would be a better word. the mn hunger experiment.

or just common sense says repeatedly ensuring someone is Mal nourished or hungey is no Bueno for their mood, emotional inhebition cognition and or longevity.

I bet if I keep looking or hey idk maybe if not just stealing all my stuff but the. coming up from maple Grove 2 days after ofp court date 7 nefarious times since and entering my garage to steal over 1k of my things..

so according to maple Grove police even with reported admissions of crimes, crimes after ofp and admission they might be liable if that was on record

it's more likely that I should kill myself than expect this to have a legal resolve between starving poisoning stealing and fraudentl police reports un checked?

or maybe if I get up the will to live a short life through this terror... nah... 


my ass won't shit money as hard as I try. and even if paul snuck in full on raped me maple Grove would probably ask why I didn't assult him to stop it and then arrest me for being assaulted. 

even if not an ass that can shit USD still doesn't prevent someone from taking them 


if you can't shit them faster than Paul rapetrick can't steal them or maple Grove can ignore crime after crine


u might as well kill yourself because that or inpaite t incarceration is what awaits despite the known psychological Terror this implies 


so I'm wondering who's the bigger child molester. the state that helps ensure everyone is at risk or the former public school bus driver?

among other decisions, split phase 240 across the heart or nose dive off 12 ft tall balcony?


watch.. it's not actionable to tell police I have a recording of my mom admiting to my version and subtly threatening to kill me again.. but my words about my potential solution to ending terror end up actionable in locking me in a mental ward.. 


it's really no wonder people go active shooter in this fucking torture land


perhaps if there was a widely spread valid source publication with a convincing argument of causal link between torture, gaslighting, non action by authority and mass shootings then it would be in the states best intrest to stop some of these violations of rights before they end in massicures

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.thenationalcouncil.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Mass-Violence-in-America_8-6-19.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwi34sXs8_frAhXNWM0KHUkDD2sQFjAHegQIChAB&usg=AOvVaw20eVYb0NrpQbJYvGSY2uwZ


ack I'm not cleaning that up via smart phone.  this report is as fucking wack as the failure to recognize that if people are not just treated poorly but literlay watch multiple crimes go un recognized while police literlay say putting attempted murder on record in the form of even unreliable witness on record would be a liability 

then told its not illegal to say you own someone in the same meeting 


after fraudulent reports lead to a mental hold disrupting actual paid work.. 


the report above reads like it was writen by people who ultimately have a conflicting and or vested intrest with communicating causes that are known or otherwise strongly suspected. 

it goes from heavily stressing in the beginning thst the mentally ill are only a small subset of those who commit mass murder. 

to recommending city officials make it easier to force people into mental health care and basicly comindeer the media to cobtrol what gets out in a crisis.. uh yeah... 

here's a semi educated lay properties take on causal factors. 

we know that the brain is like many muscles. or rather a set of functions and abilities that could be represented by a muscle each. the metaphor might need a bit of bending because strength ing or letting atrophy is largely a factor of use and rather than contract release in an undamaged brain the intrecacies of things like emotional responce and logic might be something like fine motor control of digits as it relates to any skill type task with hands. I'd reason there is evedence to support that frequent emotional injury and or trauma can cause massive legions or atrophy. possibly just deactivation of the routes theoufh those areas. even with out this it's well known we have a primitive brain function of fight or flight that can be tried by the higher brain and recall just as easily as actual sensory input. 


we also known that even verbal abuse and emotional neglect parent to child makes someone three to four times more likely to develop BPD or a might have been any of the cluster b I can't remember but the stat came from the APA this is all being written off the top of my head

And largely transcribed


But the moment you get damaged from any disorder to sympathy empathy and empathy you've lost a large amount of what it's pretty easy to argue is reason not to harm others. Concept of mirroring might be important as well but logically if others don't feel and if I don't understand that they will feel or chair what they feel and or only emulate from an intellectual understanding did anybody in that state would have a lot less inhibition to pulling a trigger on someone else or multiple people and strangers at that point become likely the easiest because if we also damaged the ability to form new connections or severely damaged self-esteem making one not want to let's say we put people in a state remind wear they're pretty much done and nothing is Holy to them not even the basics of what other people vast majority would report like what what would make you self-conscious reading this if you had no control over it because laws were violated to take your ability to control it and this went on for years with zero concern for you as a person or your rights or even worse you watch all of this shit on the news or in school about how you're supposed to have all these Wrights will you experience that you don't and that police don't give a shit but now all the sudden let's use me as an example and go ahead lock me up if I get out who God but as a hypothetical well first of all not understanding that if I can't even talk about it after you've already done probably legal things and put two people that literally claim to Own Me in control of pretty much all my life by being able to drain me sign my name without any applications even though they don't have legal custodian tips while they have legal custodianship of my aunt who on Christmas Day invite me down she drives away without a driver's license I have it recorded and all were concerned about is the paper part that I was inside when I never left the fucking car AKA when rules apply to some people or paranoia and suspicion of some people happens when others seem Totally Above the Law for no reason other than well who's to say it could be my dad's Union relation it could be other things I'm totally unaware of it could just be personal bias from the police cultural lines. When one side can repeatedly endanger the other buy things that are supposed to also be legal then you get the mix of officers who also strongly interject their personal feelings like officer could learn something from his namesake Hanson who seems to want to plant the seeds of insurrection more than a seed or flower and watch it grow I I digress what I'm trying to get at here you back someone into a corner where there is no logical pass out because laws aren't being equally applied and especially if it's consistently 1 party doing the harm well the other factor is if it's something not everybody is likely to experience abuse or neglect or even cluelessness on the point of someone violating but I have more than enough to show that there is malicious intent in what's being done to me but in this situation or any traumatic situation described our culture has this typical reaction of most people either don't know what to say or don't know what's harmful to say so a lot of times you get silence doubt and or victim-blaming

If the abuse continues not from the random people from the primary party that's probably violating laws my case or any case even if it doesn't the first time someone tries to kill you they've created a trauma it's like we do this dance between we can't have citizens that get mentally screwed up as bad as some people deployed because I don't know maybe that would discredit the Vets maybe that would be too much liability for any state there's a lot of complex factors and I think it can be summed up as well look at the Vets no one cares about them either really A lot of people do but look what we're doing to them as a government of the People by the people for the people even people that serve good fucking screwed. We have to stop trying to manage this with PR and prison called Healthcare if you can't walk out without the police coming it's prison don't kid yourself. There's some indication that even some lawmakers are probably aware in this state of the fact that he needs tainment is trauma. My human property currently fucking starving again Lehman my mom says I deserve it because I'm a male including attempted murder falsified police reports repetitive theft I digress

 any sort any sort of detainment against one's will this trauma healthy brain or even most dysfunctional brands from neurotypical to pathological most try to avoid trauma the clue to me that Minnesota lawmakers at some level understood or had a consult with mental health professionals is the legislation for 72-hour holds notes that the reason is supposed to be made unmistakably explicitly clear on the document that makes the official do not be vague you must pass go twice while explaining is the gist of it yet who cares if they don't seriously who the fuck cares and what are you going to do about it especially if you're already in a bad condition or way because of primes unenforced against you or you fucked up or that's just the hand life dealt you. The other part life doubt you if you were born here is from 6 years old to probably 18 you stood and recited the dogmatic Mantra about how they're supposed to be freedom and justice for everyone in this country. If you watch someone steal thing repeatedly MN get the police to do the harm for them that's bad enough but as I found out doesn't matter how the police execute an emergency medical hold unless you have the money and the time to find the right lawyer. Why is it that hard well mainly because the State Bar Association hotline if you're anything like me will immediately tell you no one touches emergency medical holds.


This is potentially the most fucked because if this is at all related two violations of Rights if there's any sort of causal link to it even if it takes more than once what you probably does cuz what I've been dancing around is if you put an injured predator of an app animal species in a corner and poke it with a stick do you blame the animal for what happens to you? Or do you try to lobotomize the animal before to fight for his life? And the thing is that works although it could probably be better stated actually better for the subset which is the majority of active shooters or committers of mass violence without mental illness. The official report up there went through pains to specify that you're just in mental illness or even diagnosable mental illness is not the majority subset of the set that is mass violence committers. Yet all those pages and I'm guessing it's been done almost every year if not some one or two or four-year thing all those pages and we can't address the basics of what happens if you corner and threaten a creditor repeatedly in physical or psychological ways. The more we deny any animal nature and then go further into the delusion and deny even human needs will also preaching that we have rights who doesn't have mental illness at that point whether it's diagnosed diagnosable or wanting to be acknowledged by professionals I mean skewed or made perverse anyway to try to Define normal at this point. Normal is what obey is the officer that can lie to them even if that treat by traditional definitions with any sense Toledo and freedom would be considered maladaptive there's no way to define healthy and safe anymore. This this I think it was Tristan Emery spirals of Despair where to be yourself is to perish



But more so how can you expect people devalue other humans lives when things can be repeatedly done to them that both meet the criteria of assault battery attempted murder human trafficking any anything that risk their life and might qualify as a crime now if you have a condition where for whatever reason officers take the other person side repeatedly and somebody's life is being put at risk by these actions it's not free to run away it doesn't end the harm to run away if you want a potential theory for why it's more males look at who has the most ability to either court order or get any sort of donation Financial like place to live shelter sort of situation men face the street or the street and payments to whoever might have been abusing them when you realize what that's like or how it came to slavery that is know if you got a situation with that person was also physically risking your life but police for whatever reason maybe violence against women Grant from the federal government maybe not maybe just cultural bias but you got ultimate power coming down on what might be the victim well the other side taking actions that either communicate threat or actually threatened being alive how is that person supposed to Value any life their own or others? This makes others that even sits silent a source of pain because the human brain looks for reason that's what it does that's how we learn from babies who can't do much of anything two people who can figure out advanced math that describes the universe. I don't know I need to work this later or maybe not cuz I can't fucking eat and the point I still increasingly for some reason fail to make in any of the times I post but I always intend to is that it takes a lot of fucking cognitive effort to have to refactor if someone can take anything from you at any time. Even more so when they will lie to your face after telling you they have it and then tell you they don't again or tell you that you deserve it because you're a brat or like my mom said recently I deserve it because I'm male or not doing anything other days I do it to myself that's what they tell me and this is all of them this is all them saying that this isn't the delusion it's recorded but even if you have the recordings as I found out no one is under any obligation to listen to them we totally circumvented the justice system and we play the same fucking games that the mentally ill do and by that I mean if you want dangerous mentally ill it's aspd and NPD they also seem to have this nasty little fucking kick out of setting up games where it's rigged to make the other person suffer no withholding knowledge that would have been needed to overcome or answer the question that determines is the fuck up person going to hurt him or not and then rationalize and justify it by whelp date they just deserve that cuz they don't feel it they don't feel in their mind they don't have the ability anymore to actually feel what it's like in the other person's position even if you hear the tones that would indicate they can come out of their mouth they don't or they do extremely weekly there's a range in between there's those that can emulate both the tone and the logic to recreate it there's some of that fuel these things very weekly and I'm starting to repeat myself


Which is exactly what I call one of the sicko fucking perverse games that Marlene and Paul play because it's how many times can I make him repeat what I'm doing for him and then I'm not doing it and again above but the addition is sometimes we hang up even if he stays calm while he's doing it so he's just repeated the ways were endangering his life violating him making it hard to escape and now we're going to hang up some days will tell him he can come down but then he shows up we don't answer 10 minutes later Maple Grove Police are there with whatever report even if I haven't left public property I'm ordered to leave for a year-and-a-half before the ofp I'd argue most people would have done fucking nuts by now I'm more likely to die than to hurt anybody but I need people to stop hurting me. Especially when the same people admit there's liability involved for reversing course you have no more right to be here than I do but the other sickle fucking game Marlene and Paul will play is it's not always just to hang up sometimes we'll set the phone down for 30 seconds sometimes then we come back and say hello like we're just answered or other times it's 30 seconds to a click and then mixing any of the other sicko fuck with your games and even if I start over from the street while they filed eminent DV restraining orders and two days after the court date they made sure I couldn't attend they're up here 20 min a welfare check for days that I know of after that over the next two weeks there either driving by or in the parking lot probably five because there was one day that I went out to get lunch and within I think 120 seconds of walking outside and stepping in the car I got a text from my dad asking if I'm going to get food but then two weeks later another welfare check it takes 45 minutes to drive here from their house how can you file something that makes me arrested both for eminent domestic violence without a warrant when I didn't get to appear in court when I went to police months and months and months before this with evidence they falsified reports and the police just told me they might be liable if that was on record and afterwards they not only come up two days after the court date where they then again steal things from me to the tune of at least $1,000 which makes it Minnesota criminal Lodge in but police are asking why I don't have renter's insurance how can I ever expect to get ahead I mean I assume I'm already in jail because having evidence of anything hasn't mattered it hasn't matter one bit they get what they want when they want they tell me that and as long as police continue this path they don't just beat me and they have physically well not beat but the different definition of battery three times one was trying to push me over a 12 foot drop repeatedly I step back to end it and she kept pushing but when the police let themselves be used like that it's no longer the fucked in the head doing the beating it's a near absolute power of the modern police officer where you can't run you're not getting away if they want you maybe if you have a lot of money and pre-planning possibly but it's hard to outrun a Fleer thermal camera on a helicopter with radios that communicate near the speed of light and plenty of Officer less than friendly where the first came from


If we want to end things like this we need to start with the system either changing what it communicates about liberty and justice for all Minnesota goes out of its way to talk about human rights protections and discrimination protection who's protected from what yet it doesn't cover a pretty teeth of enforcement and I'm saying this because it's the government it can do whatever the fuck it wants. What's on ethical is doing it in a way we're an absolute power can't admit what it's doing you have to try to convince you otherwise because those with the power don't want the accountability and or want to keep the power so simply stopped communicating that everybody has rights everybody's protected or put your money where your mouth is not my grave

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