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Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Another Perverse Tactic

 My dad is absolutely ruthless in being sick when in rage mode. 

one of the more advanced things ive noted. he will refuse to acknowledge even basic needs while making sure they aren't obtained. eventually, socialization becomes a need as much as a want though, esp after a loss. 

well with hell starting some ti

me in 2017. march 2020 having refused to acknowledge problems they caused and decision they made not dealing with them or maliciously using them as bio weapons...

march 2020 he flips it around. I had texted "i cant stand being near you" so he plays limited attention of onlookers and flips around the need hes kept me from fulfilling 

"I will not be near you, you need to find some friends" 

as i see it free time is a function of income and at that time he had stolen and was holding on to my driver's license. even min wage takes two forms of id. to this day they continue to hold and destroy 16 years of what i earned and everything anyone had ever given me. 

the combo of refusing to respond to what should be obvious and a drive (to socialize) he has explicitly stated he has ... 

plus flipping it like hes telling me things i don't know (infantilizing a tactic especially noted with npd parents(also known to sabotage their offspring into adulthood)) trips this range of emotions simultaneously from wanting to vomit to wanting to remove his teeth with players and the realization 16 years of working plus 32 of social connections are still being destroyed... 

part of the anger from the infantilization comes from how much of a taunt and boundary violation it is then i think its compounded by logicly speaking hes ensured i have little to no free time to socialize while the holding of my kitchen things and diet plus toxic exposure forced... statisticly this level of damage leads to early death and low odds of a job with paid time off.

the damage also comes in conditioning failure and helplessness. it should be pointed out theft in mn includes personal property, and making promises with no intent to deliver is a crime as well. psych speaking its authority reinforcing that these people can do anything to me which eventually helps condition insanity terror helpless because normally doing what one ought to do or has to do equals reward in form of pay or at least less negative attention. behaviors such as eat reward the body with endorphins. Paul and Marlene Make me make a estimate, like for mold car, then make sure i cant complete the job for 9 mo make sure i go hungry refuse to acknowledge it or give nonsolutions like get ingrediance from food shelf knowing all my kitchen stuff is held off-limits though 3 times promised to change that or hire someone to help. 

my moms solution to a new id while broke due to the aforementioned budgets and less covered agreements... stand on street corner and beg. while sitting on and destroying 20g worth of my property. 

whats obserd to me is how many times maple grove police write everything off as civil but then enforce the hell out of the family court order... if i understand correctly thats technically an offshoot of civil court. if i read correctly its possible the state and or department gets money for resulting arrests under federal violence against women law grants as well... would make a lot of sense. esp if you then create a cycle where someone is probably paying fines to see a social worker and ordered by court to see a doctor of the mental health persuasion. which i can see would then be in the state interest not to prosecute criminal charges or possibly even to thank the abuser because now we've also managed to make Minnesota more comfortable for corporate health care by court ordering a revenue stream. what do you think is the lowest marginal cost per patient and highest profit margin as far as health care goes? are you using gause, stitches, stints and metal tools that need autoclaving for mental health? if so what the ever loving fuck are you doing lobotomies for in 2020? 

i wonder if rico law can be applied to state govs? id sorta doubt it. the depressing thing ive read is John D Rockafeller is said to have stated he never made more money until after the anti trust laws and if police liability is an indicator the state isnt going to let that happen. 

it would be really cool if slaughterhouse wasnt such an ironic name. or if there was somewhere in between where if a state writes its definition of theft to include personal property it would hold itself to upstreaming that to its interpretation of the us constitution... like in the definition of property. mn already recognizes oral leases and services for rent plus theft includes personal property (im talking the differentiation of real vs imaginary present in some areas of law) the more i see the more it appears the us is either under attack or always was a scheme in a scheme. sarcasticly makes me wonder if land of the free means the opposite... we paid how much to a country called is real? :D trying to lighten the mood more than serious with the last bit. seriously though like 4.8b a year? aka most of the cost of a nimitz class carrier (6bn for the first few) a year for 10 years...?

but it begins to define fucking insanity and or rackets not used for tennis. unless neither money nor id is needed to sustain the basics of life... unless things have no value and no one could be hurt by violation of check fraud mail fraud and fellony level repeated thefts...

clearly, i meant batmitten rackets... if businesses are citizens and mobsters demanding money for protection services...

oh right, its the verbal threats someone alleged with out context that pose the actionable threat and or real threat right? i just threw up in my mouth a bit.  

anyone who tells you its wrong to feel is an idiot. suppressing is where trouble happens. physically letting it out on anything living is not ok. feeling it and or expressing it verbally is healthy. 

ideally... well ideally you dont have police turning a blind eye to 

malicious felony after felony including those that would impair your ability  to escape... but in the not sicko world with a loved one you try to think through feelings someone you care for has triggered or when you're having a bad day and let that factor into "biting a head off" 

think before you speak... with emotions its more important. you aren't wrong for feeling anything but as the glbt and feminist community have brought to public awareness and in a slightly perverse fashion... there exists the ability to trigger emotions. ie you might not feel because the other person intended or knew they caused it. if you dont think through your feelings before or after... you are probably hurting people. the feeling is valid but the cause of you feeling it might not have much to do with the person you potentially let it out on. i cant and wont claim to be perfect. I realized this a long time ago (triggers) and try to make it who i am. 

i noted this here mainly because this injustice system may have me in front of a med pro for essentially 2 people beating the shit out of me then crying witch. 

scarry part is theres no financial incentive for that sort of forced meeting to ever end. victim-blaming is bad enough, court ordered reprogramming with out objective standard evaluation is sick. 

on the off chance that happens and the dr is driven on ethics. it cant hurt to attempt to describe who i am and what i believe. 

the issue i take with how feminists and glbt movement have popularized triggers is to a lot its become a hollier than though and cool kids thing to mention... there in lies the issue. rather the absence of any more than that is the issue. attacking people for not being sensitive to potential triggers, or even announcing you might be triggered...

does absolute fuck all.... to help the person with the trigger. if you announce it and then see someone you know and care for leave... if you invite them to talk about it (if they want) later and do so sans judgment, exclude yourself from my judgment, better yet know how to mirror and or empathize while doing so... good on you for making a difference. For how many times I've seen triggers mentioned though ive yet to see this happen. doesnt mean it doesnt.... but im my experience/data set its not happening so id guess/extrapolate its the exception not the norm. 

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