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Tuesday, February 9, 2021

What defines vulnerable? Abuse Industry of MN vs Healing

This could be a sort of loaded label. I've really only seen women get it in Minnesota but in reading about the case of Dan Markingson it came up as well. 

The loaded aspect is, does it limit anything? the reality is if police officers are peace officers they should be able to figure out things like: personality disorders and other psych issues such as pstd might both need extra help and or be prone to certian behaviors good and rr bad.

seems to me all young adults are pretty vulnerable in a non psych context. MN law afaik allows them to be booted with police assistance the moment they turn 18. Meanwhile when i was in highschool things like field trips and the sr party required parent sig even if you were 18. which does anything but indicate what they can do to you. funny how you might find this out after 12 years of school teaching that at 18 you have rights of adult. 

this hurts those who had it rough the most. Who had it that way might not be readily/obviously apparent either. there tends to be different issues between the dont give two shits and the give too many shits ends as well. athoritarian vs athoriatative and i forget the permissive side but theres also the eq part emotionaly absent  on either extream produces hell. 

https://talkheart2heart.org/resources/the-four-parenting-styles/

Also if laws are not enforced or law enforcement acts with extream bias and little concern for tauma to life...

they probably shouldnt also be issuing emergency medical or peace officer abuctions.

it also means little or even negates the new adults ability to escape the situation regardless of what they worked for and who they managed to be. 

theres a concept called cognitive dissidence theres a healthy resoltion and i think less discussed is a crystilzation or collapse and scar with out resolution. 

applied: your parents often took out their relationship issues on you. you also know you wernt perfect but they also with hold support and it slowly eats away any ability to maintain self. combind this with highschool and pace of life geting punished for a fight mom and dad had or parent and step...w/e or mom had a bad day at work meanwhile they might take it out further by with holding affection...

now police are letting them outright abuse you possibly per mn predatory but unwritten policy. doesnt matter if you worked before turning 18 or after or both or how much you made as i found out. but focusing on the just turned 18... 

if police dont enforce with out bias what stops parents from emptying a teens bank account the momenty before they turn 18 and police kicking them out 30 seconds after? 

we have created a system with seemingly 0 regard to trauma or rewarding adaptive behavior. worse yet that time they spend on the street or between places in hell is scabbing over the emotional wounds. most kids are born with concience sympathy and empathy intact. they need to develop a construct of other person and themselves from basic monkey see monkey remember, monkey associate, monkey do to understanding big monkey might be a huge fucking horses ass or horses ass hat. derp ...;construct of self and construct of what then who others are. if they arnt allowed private and sacraed and or their confusion in learning is a burden or punished randomly its really basic. no one thought from my postion plus ouch no i cant go there...or something. and that last bit is the danger. it locks it out. the sense of fair is better at birth than most adults have. 

dissonance caused is that friction between not understanding you were the kid and young adult ie most of your screwups were your job to screw up. some might have been a bit extra but a lot of what you got when and why was totaly undeserved. 

what ive noticed is most of the time this equals a codependence and regardless if paird with boom street or close to it...or just as bad stuck with police having the indecent audacity to tell you that you deserve it (fired? maybe from a cannon at a brick wall) either way what happens is pace of life and or retraumitization means the dissonance the brain hates storing doesnt get sorted to 

"yeah i fucked up there but i didnt deserve that"

"yeah that time i probably did"

"i needed you there to understand and you werent" or worse "you started yelling at me" 

"I was 5 min late and the door was locked?"

"i didnt even fuck up they had no right reacting that way"

and whats put off further to possibly indefinitely is a time bomb "who aim I, What does lizards tongue like?" (random names)

borderline is more prone to go through intense cycles of over self  value and belief they are worthless. they tend to cut friends at a moments notice for any reason. the highs of it though tend to keep them supplied in superficial plastic relations. 

to paint a picture its katty parrys hot and cold (which might have been part who she was singing about and or part projection) but another metaphore if the over is a xmas light on and off is under, someone put one of the bulbs that blinks into the strand and used superglue. 

sometimes the trauma even leads to an alter ego creation. or just a personality that might flux between a few somewhat consistent points but is stuck in flux. either way another cycle begins, moments of clarity. those questions and that desire to resolve the disonence...if they can name it or not likely parse ripping old wounds and the question of what have they missed because of it is likely there as well. 

which dependent on whats being suppressed, enough on their own to re trigger the discoloration.or leave one a wreck on the floor.  

then if they become parents (and that bit about codependency makes it decently likely)... theres a very common phrase 

"i didnt understand what a brat i was" 

and the cycle of underachievement, anxiety, abuse, depression, emptyness lack of life satisfaction is not only harder locked but almost certain to repeat. that time bomb of who is ticking. 

the true beauty of humans is mirrored by a terrible truth, given total abuse or above average fucked up some people remain whole, the terror is most of the time your heart keeps beating even if you dont and on some level you know whats happening. until you cant touch that scar anymore either. 

Police Biasing Parents 

what police like ive  noted and experienced in maple grove do is akin to 

"fuck your odds you need to be broken".

 I just realized. its entirely possible (but i think less plausible) the shallow affect and potion of power... npd often self describe as basic empty shells that feel little except conflict. I realized its possible the officers who either fool the possibly required MMPI or who knows what mn decided is lowest risk in the resutls...npd, aspd and bpd on the police force actually lets subtract aspd...but put basicly:

 clone isnt a fair way to view them 

but it paints what im getting at in way less words. 

still, the exactness of the phrase i dont find it as likely as unwritten policy. 

I've seen more than just my case where abuse was at astronomical levels only for the person to be told that parents gave even female Doby (the house elf a sock) so some how its ok to choke her to the ground. meanwhile i would hope the officer hasnt accepted so much as a tissue because its highly likely the ones doing this are the disease they perpetuate. worse yet theres a little known bit about genetics. 

the view most of us know might as well be written on a stone tablet with a chisel. 

Stress induced epigenetic changes in the brain. 

last i checked there isnt a gay gene either. genes dont work that way with complex behavioral traits. they do influence probablities a behaviorial trait manefests. issue is when conditioned behavior can be worsened by stress flipping a gene on now police may have been the straw that mental illnessed the dead horses back. but they are the alpha right? esp those who are taking out their own childhood bullshit from behind a badge ensuring someones just as fucked as them or beta and dead right? or alternatively I deserve this and he gets what he doest to (or she) for their poor choices like not respecting their parents. parents wouldnt do that i was such a bra...

https://psychcentral.com/news/2013/07/06/narcissists-lack-of-empathy-tied-to-less-gray-matter#1

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0006322305004907

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S002239561300157X

There is some evidence pediatric brain injury can disable those almost universally functioning (at birth) circuits 

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S089085671200651X


whoa voxels and gray matter? why do i get the feeling that due to resolution constraints the best you describe is a schizophrenic pointillist? but what about when the vox is have empty? take a few more away burn all the ram and its a mine craft server? meh i digress. 

I wasnt aware they were using voxels for brain imaging until just now. a friend more into the graphics side of programing introduced me maybe 2 years ago. instead of the triangles that make up todays graphics generated by computer its rendering the world with box pixels... now slap it with slavic and tada: voxils (dont quote me on the etymology) 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voxel

not sure if this is correct but just occurred to me its likely efficent encoding of an array of linked lists (i kinda stored it as cube rendering and havent had time to do much else but bleed and further c-ptsd) (i mean this from the data structure side) pop pop fizz fizz oh what a point cloud it is. what the fuck is he on about? minecraft computes the world in voxels but does the more traditional polygon render. so if i understand it correctly the the type of block and or what it contains and its state is all stored in that linked list data structure with in a 3d world grid. rather each box in the grid has that linked list inside it and each one with its list of attributes represents a square in game world... basicly 3d version of tracking if b4 sunk your battle ship or if it was not even a water block (ive never played forgive me lmao) 

heres what they are doing with brain scans

https://knowingneurons.com/2017/09/27/mri-voxels/

----pausing here while i rework this. ------- aka bbl

any protection under that title or anything else created is rather worthless though when if the police do it to you there's no one to call to report it to accept the police


Goddamnit Google. it goes along the lines of hey can you guys like stop doing what you don't really have to be doing but did anyway oh no oh well shucks

Yes officer I totally agree the potential you might not get promoted as quick or might have to take paid leave that's definitely more important than my life we have one hell of an equal society how about I just give you a reason to collect funds for the state instead would you like your boots licked

next thing you know they're ordering you to take the bag of quikrete and fill in random holes. That one will probably confuse a few people others will have no trouble

If you're asking what kind of fakakta reference is that well there's a hint otherwise I can't help you

How is anyone safe other than illusion and or delusion? if the police can separate you from your ability to pay for a lawyer your ability to have a roof over your head or even threatened to do so if you don't leave the roof over your head. Well there's anything from disobeying the order to he's coming right for us we had to knock him out and take him in.maybe they don't have a body cam maybe gee where did that footage go

Regardless if all the sudden you have nothing with no notice what are your odds you can call a lawyer after you find one and have nothing and still make this stop in a reasonable amount of time to not have everything destroyed?

Oh but then they can haul you to a hospital for the stated reason of paranoid

Ha barf

I forget if it was Harvard or Yale but I was reading a PDF on revisions to the 4th.

It seems that one of these explicit reasons for the fourth was personal property because the government in England had been seizing it from the colonists declaring it contraband but then flash forward to around I think it was mm or somewhere plus or minus whatever

but all the sudden it gets redefined as not supposed to protect places just privacy and really doesn't do that.

Well also making sort of a perverse non agreement with the concept of expectation of privacy

I didn't get time to read that and I can't print it cuz some fuk head stoled my printer and these other ones with badges enable human trafficking.

my table is growing their mold and it's a holding table from Walmart not one of the desks I built or bought

But expectation of privacy makes a lot of sense if property you own or even in probably more limited  (justgo with me here)  rent cases...

 the roof and walls  paid for is an expectation of privacy.

 walking onto public land you no longer should have that. and that that's a very intrinsic definition.

Read and recall correctly the case that caused the re-evaluation and but just as far as I am concerned oDd  tow revaluation something about police using thermal imagers to look through people's walls

Note to self and an easy one in Minnesota, buy gutter heater coil attached to house spelling fuck off then proceeded to paint it color of house. Or you know like draw a giant penis that's only visible through IR you got to keep it classy.

keep a window cracked because when you're being surveilled you might hear the agent laugh. Actually I just adapted that because ever since I read the BAE systems tank with active infrared signature mimic just about anything extra rise there's a marine tank somewhere with a giant penis going down the battlefield. Something about the few that I've known lol

borrowing the concept as I suggested probably way cheaper than manufacturing a tank that hides its normal signature and can mimic other signatures

I digress

 I'm really sick of this

I'm really sick from this

This is really sick

It's getting hard tractor hold on to who I am let alone what I want and there's elements of conditioning that we wouldn't have to go this far into it even the mission statement of the police was followed given the mission statement of the police was followed

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