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Favorite Mental Ward Questions

If Patrick and I think his stress squeeze sponge is a
cat that talks; is this folie à deux ou trois? 
(The madness of two or three?)

Could you open my chart and add day 30 patient thinks he's a jumbo jet? *While swooping by with arms out*

Is this place purgatory or am I loose associating again?

Are youth from Asia a rx-able cure for boredom? does it only work when they are youth in asia? If not do we Express ship them here or?

*Walk up to nurse or dr holding an orange behind your back*. "I looked at orange and now I'm tasting it. Is it synastasia or do I like fruit? *Pull out orange*

Do you guys offer ice pick lobotomy pro re nata?

Can you name three occasions that could arise and necessity lobotomy?

At places where nurses teach groups : is nursing group 2% or whole today? (Milk/wet)

Who should I call if I experience itching or burning on discharge? Should I open a bakery?

Do you guys think I could get a PRN consisting of an intravenous benzo, muscle relaxer and barbiturate? 

Could I get a glass of jonestown flavored juice?

*Walk away whistling the theme song to MASH*

What time is wet nursing group?

If it's a 5 point restraint where's the 5th point? Follow up question: Which head does it go on?

(Turns out the 5th is actually around your chest😂)

Do you know why dark humor is like food? Not everybody gets it.

If the state were to legalize sterilization of the mentally feeble; could we fix stupid?


*Reach up and pull the plastic dome off a call light*

*Walk up to a nurse* 

"Do you want a present? "

 "What's that?" 

"You're a nurse and you don't recognize a call light?"

----In my experience about 2/3 will fail to recognize it. Probably because it's in their minds as a thing on the wall not something a patient hands them. Iirc memory or recall is usually context dependent and this breaks the mold lol. It's also a decent chunk of most of their jobs (recognizing and responding to call lights )

If you've fooled them.. good.

Now go put the call light dome back.

It's only funny with out making them do work at their expense and or with out property expense.

(Aka the diff between a joke and an asshole )


Do you have a prn that restores my [credit score, sense of purpose, life time expected income, reason to be alive, ability to fulfill commitments]?

Do you have a prn that counters the doubled odds of sudden cardiac arrest that this court order causes?

If I were here for ADHD what kinda camp would this be?

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

 The wheelchair!

Not Senseless 

In the medical profession they refer to it as: gallows humor. 

It's a coping mechanism.

Humor in general can be.

One could argue I'm not a medical professional; there for this isn't something I should use/be doing.

They would be correct in the first part. It's also important to note normal is usually set by what you grew up with.

 My mom is a N.P. at children's in St Paul and used to teach at St Kate's. Not only that but when I was in 7th grade she needed help converting her overhead projector teaching curriculum/notes to PowerPoint. Guess who made those. (Yours truly)

Id also argue it gets really scary when people make arguments about what other people can and can't say. I'd call it a boundary violation but I really don't want to write the thesis that could and or needs to flow from that. Maybe some day.



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