Skip to main content

Favorite Mental Ward Questions

If Patrick and I think his stress squeeze sponge is a
cat that talks; is this folie à deux ou trois? 
(The madness of two or three?)

Could you open my chart and add day 30 patient thinks he's a jumbo jet? *While swooping by with arms out*

Is this place purgatory or am I loose associating again?

Are youth from Asia a rx-able cure for boredom? does it only work when they are youth in asia? If not do we Express ship them here or?

*Walk up to nurse or dr holding an orange behind your back*. "I looked at orange and now I'm tasting it. Is it synastasia or do I like fruit? *Pull out orange*

Do you guys offer ice pick lobotomy pro re nata?

Can you name three occasions that could arise and necessity lobotomy?

At places where nurses teach groups : is nursing group 2% or whole today? (Milk/wet)

Who should I call if I experience itching or burning on discharge? Should I open a bakery?

Do you guys think I could get a PRN consisting of an intravenous benzo, muscle relaxer and barbiturate? 

Could I get a glass of jonestown flavored juice?

*Walk away whistling the theme song to MASH*

What time is wet nursing group?

If it's a 5 point restraint where's the 5th point? Follow up question: Which head does it go on?

(Turns out the 5th is actually around your chest😂)

Do you know why dark humor is like food? Not everybody gets it.

If the state were to legalize sterilization of the mentally feeble; could we fix stupid?

----

*Reach up and pull the plastic dome off a call light*

*Walk up to a nurse* 

"Do you want a present? "

 "What's that?" 

"You're a nurse and you don't recognize a call light?"

----In my experience about 2/3 will fail to recognize it. Probably because it's in their minds as a thing on the wall not something a patient hands them. Iirc memory or recall is usually context dependent and this breaks the mold lol. It's also a decent chunk of most of their jobs (recognizing and responding to call lights )

If you've fooled them.. good.

Now go put the call light dome back.

It's only funny with out making them do work at their expense and or with out property expense.

(Aka the diff between a joke and an asshole )

---

Do you have a prn that restores my [credit score, sense of purpose, life time expected income, reason to be alive, ability to fulfill commitments]?

Do you have a prn that counters the doubled odds of sudden cardiac arrest that this court order causes?

If I were here for ADHD what kinda camp would this be?


What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

 The wheelchair!


Not Senseless 

In the medical profession they refer to it as: gallows humor. 

It's a coping mechanism.

Humor in general can be.

https://positivepsychology.com/humor-psychology/

One could argue I'm not a medical professional; there for this isn't something I should use/be doing.

They would be correct in the first part. It's also important to note normal is usually set by what you grew up with.

 My mom is a N.P. at children's in St Paul and used to teach at St Kate's. Not only that but when I was in 7th grade she needed help converting her overhead projector teaching curriculum/notes to PowerPoint. Guess who made those. (Yours truly)

Id also argue it gets really scary when people make arguments about what other people can and can't say. I'd call it a boundary violation but I really don't want to write the thesis that could and or needs to flow from that. Maybe some day.


Related 


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

unchanged needs with Mal nutrition and poisoning still present 2020 27 10

Immediate  Tangible Asset Needs for basic security health and to end the terror going forward  this totals about $300 for things actually needed purchased most of it os things stolen and held from me  this is an expenditure to reduce money burnt and days hungey. actual new purchases to accomplish that about $400 usd mn police may think it's OK to allow someone robbed repeatedly moved under threat to 43k of assets they help a retired union leader steal and destroy but on a very practice level such as cooking a meal or managing my time this is hell. for the duration it's continued it may be lethal  I really look forward to a meal and dread it. but I'd rather not end up diabetic heart disease or dead. what I mean is 3 years isolated and abused losing all of my pets either seeing my parents who gaslight and threaten or no one. cooking and eating alone... not great but I seriously need to.  my hair and nails are falling out and apart. I'm usualy in enough physical pain I can

Public Pretenders Are Not Like Real Lawyers in MN | Rule 8(b)

I'm not a judge.  That said and as far as I can see: MN has removed a check and balance from it's legal system.  Most definitely a route of appeal.  Most definitely an external review. Probably a safe guard against corruption in courts  this change is also most likely to affect low income citizens. Title is a bit of an exaggeration(public pretenders). They are real lawyers but if you take one you will lose a key protective feature of the justice system.

What Actual Peace Officers Look Like vs Many of MNs less than finest.

  Heres me traveling alone in Germany in 2006.