Purpose Of This Site:

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The Purpose of This Site


work in progress

1) It tells my story even if I end up unable to do so or no longer among the living. 
this site is a combo of blogger on a domain registered through google. for a little over $10 a year it was the most cost-effective maintenance-free way to ensure my story is around even if I am no longer. My pets were the closest to unconditional love ive ever known and somewhat tied into this story but even if they weren't they would have the sidebars they do on the site as well. As i write this Clyde rabbit is in my freezer in a kitchen otherwise devoid of anything needed to utilize it. 

personal conclusions:

self care: function of time avalibe, knowlege and often requires physical goods or consumables or upgrading to a higher catagory of consumable.  or money is often a factor as well. 

time money knowledge and application of time and money to the goal of health and or care with respect to the knowledge =health self care wellness ultimately how long one lives and quality of life. 

upgrades.. what I mean is along the lines of one food might sait the need of hunger. but the processed ingredients might add x% risk often determined by getetics and other exposures to life time risk of xyz disease. or that processed thing made a nutrient your body needed not avaliable where it otherwise would have been in the food and bio avaliable.. 

this isn't true for all food or possible to take into account with every choice but there's a ton of hard medical evidence that what I just top of my head thumb typed is a large factor in how long u live and what u die of. 

another place where within the bounds of the capitalist system one can make spending choices that reduce increased odds that they live longer and a higher quality life is in cookware. There's more than food but this could easily become a thesis or the size of a dictionary page wise. We don't know how everything interacts with the human body we do know that some things are less likely to leach into Foods than others and along those lines one can decide to buy things like stainless steel cookware. And only use things like silicone for utensils inside that Potter pan

desire to place one's attention on health would be part of a complete equation as well 

well if time avaluble is also a function of money /income... 


I'm probably going to move the above into its own section if I even survive that long.

I also find it funny that at one time Society knew that women AR just as capable of men in committing murder. But the methods chosen tend to differ to reflect the difference in physical strength poison was historically a method of choice. And I say historically someone sarcastically because I don't think that ever went away. I do how ever think hard shio or lack there of factors into one's willingness to directly harm another or take their life. women in the US today  enjoy privileges such as making up only 25 percent of the homeless population. ie the most basic of hardships like dieing of exposure to the elements is something far fewer are at risk of and thinking along these lines would probably explain some of why femal murders are less (by the numbers today) present in today's society than male. 

the human condition is complex though. emotional hardship can create a callous over functions like mirroring, sympathy and empathy and as I think I've seen even ability to really see from another perspective. taken closer to the extream what I'm saying is emotional hardship can create a greed and short where any human can do terrible things to another as well 

this isn't the concept of spoiled. that concept in and of itself is often a play by the damaged peolpe in trying to outline to justify harm to their offspring. I think media and edu damages critical thought to the point that what they tell us is done at 25 is not the brains ability to fully comprehend or self inhibition and control but rather critical thought and integration. There's some psychologist that believe we have a narcissistic pandemic. I can't help but seeing it as related to polarization and dramatization often excused as a ploy for monetization and push to us daily over the news media and fiction it's sandwiched between. We know sex sells drama sells extreme sells polarization sells and the more in-depth conclusion is what you're basically getting his instant gratification. Or applied to what I'm getting at is when you make something extreme polarized you could also call it you're cutting out all the thought behind it. You don't have to think this through you just have to agree with it or not get the dopamine hit or not. Instant gratification or not.

 the case of not it's off and still instant gratification because we're presenting it as Polar and the gratification then comes from well here's the group I'm holier than. Those rotten Democrats are those rotten Republicans.

After I stopped watching TV for a few years that became a lot more clear. Actually the first thing to become clear was holy shit it's like a wave of anxiety. In analyzing that though it's because if you tune out for a while when you watch the game it's like the first time as a child that you took a sip of Mountain Dew or coffee. You might not remember now but that probably made your heart fly.

I think a lot of news casts can be summarized as tune in at 5  or miss who's going to rape your dog and pet your daughter. 

it's probably the neighbor who likes the other sports ball team. 

Here's a story about some public figures who rescued ducks.

And somewhere in between a commercial break and weather is a 1 second easy to miss mention that some Bill is about to pass where your children's future just got sold. Then after whether there's probably a story about how you need to keep up with the Joneses. 

What I find really ironic is the person credited to this style and this method was Edward Bernays. Emotional advertising, manufactured or engineered consent, crystallizing public opinion was one of his books that's also a term often used describe how narcissism is born. Controlled opposition is another relevant topic but other than to say forced dichotomy I'm not going to go into it.

The ironic part is his uncle was Sigmund Freud.

Probably because my parents were old enough to be most of my peers grandparents I'm aware that in everyday colloquial use at least at one point jonesing for something was once a term for craving it. The irony is the guy who came up with emotional advertising and comparing you to the neighbors the archetypal Joneses well his uncle Freud had a cocaine habit.

And just to spell it out if you'll bear with me for one more line of thought here cocaine is a dopamine releaser among other things. But this instant gratification is also that so I asked you to think what's being done? Just watching the news or listening to pop culture watching Bob culture is producing something like a hit of a drug well teaching you to keep up with the Joneses I think we have a problem here.

And I'm pretty sure I could find that has been studies of people in devices that scan brain activity either like 5 blood flow to Regions or more directly like fmri or pet and I seem to recall it's been noted that media has similar effects to narcotics if I find the time I'll search that out. 

Along these lines a few times I've seen exactly this and it wasn't an assumption it was I describe something that's easily confirmable it takes looking but the conclusion is pretty grim. Describing that to a friend's relative coworker whoever but another person. Only to have them say that's depressing to think about and then change the subject back to rah rah right or left. 4Or Sportssports ball
Probably about 2009 on a feed agitator for journals that I used to watch there was some murmurs of studies that were showing something happens where a lot of people literally cannot encode let alone process extremely negative things anymore. So the evidence that it might impair people in the same way is there as well

Which even from just a learning perspective of what we know about neuroscience is also supported. It can be very simply put that if you don't use a muscle you lose it. We know now that what you learn every time you learn something in essence the brain reconfigures parts to enforce. It probably want to be wrong to describe memory is holographic as well but as far as I've read we're not entirely sure how that plays with reconstruction versus actual procedural Moment by moment memory. My guess would be there's a conversion as it goes short to long term where that rewiring helps as almost a compression algorithm but I now I'm a bit off topic. 

What I see as the problem is my problem mainly but I tend to depersonalizing intellectualized as an escape

What's being done to me is murder. Or high risk of disfigurement disability or death. 

But not before forced labor, depeprevation of constituatuoal rights combined with Selective non enforcement of state and federal laws, theft backed by the state and maple Grove police department. 

I worked for 16 years and the police have helped my parents destroy my background check soon cause an eviction. Destroy my ability to flee by entering the armed services. Take everything I earned over 16 years. Open my mail Forge my signature without legal custodial ship. Hold my mail to harm me. Horse relocate me under threat of destruction of all of my things all of my assets all of my property all of my keepsakes all of my valuables.

Force labor on a car that Marlene Dorothy Wuethrich drove from a moldy house that had 50 ft by 8 ft of black mold and aspergillus in the walls 1500 square feet of carpet and pad that came out

 she drove that into an NICU for nine years and the problem was 19 years old.

The problem spread my apartment when Cosmos cat (who lived at their house) got sick. 

Over half a year bleeding at my apartment. And they insist I moved back in with them my dad even beforehand said it looks like you need someone to take control my mom is insisting I made up the bugs that she herself found I have seen evidence they were there and eventually I stopped four types of bugs only one was sprayed for but when it was proven the main problem was from her house is when they both went into let's use false police reports as weapons will denying what the hired mold professional found

The reason I'm out lining other forms of harm than physical violence is to underline that what they are doing is killing me. And there is no escape from that when the Escape is start from the street give up all rights to anything that you work for well the police refuse to stop a party from identity theft fraud stocking stealing etcetera. Elizabeth Cutler of the fourth district court of Hennepin County and the Maple Grove Police have created a situation we're now based on hearsay and civil court these people will be entitled by law to know where I live for two years or more likely now what street I die on

Telling my story in a public form might produce culpability where it otherwise would have been brushed aside if I live or die. I have no siblings and was born to parents who were early 40s. I had quite a bit of time to think about this over the years but its not a hard conclusion to come to:

Someone totally alone in the world with no voice is an easy target. 

over the years I have 3x realized (last being this time) something is off about my parents.

it's crazy to me how people end up seeing all the assumed positives they didn't have and will admently reject the possibility of negatives while claiming they know ur situation better than u do.

it's like think for yourself got short-circuited somewhere and many only become capable of thinking about themselves and their situation regardless of if the pronouns indicate they might be talking about yours. 

I can also say as far as I can see there is this twisted social pressure to assume that something exists in the brains of people that run the full range of decent to immoral... something poof added to brain when a child is born. 

science has shown things like occtocin create bonds between humans and there's likely more we don't get but what there is not is evidence being a parent makes u good or good to your child automatic ly 

I understand it's easier to belive otherwise thought. but ruling something out because the conclusion produces a negative feeling or emotion is the epitmy of foolish. ruling it out for someone else makes u at best a potential advocate for abusers. if the first was true this is probably a pretty sad thought as well. m but what I think many lose sight of is ur feelings and emotions and wanting to not feel bad need to end where you do. ie if you voice ur feelings and thoughts or rather vouce the not feel bad alternative because the conclusions is scarry negative or personally triggering.. not only does a disconnect and like gic shut down occure.. u helped create hell for others. I wouldn't doubt it's a similar hell to what people who end up this way go through. but it might be worse to lethal and discarding the posinilty of another's experience... cause u don't want to feel things.. 


my mom is a neonatal nurse practitioner who taught at st Kate's and worked in the nicu at children's hospitals and clinics in st paul mn. as far as I know the last bit is still where she is employed. for a while growing up she was the lead np as well. 

Voice/story told doesn't eliminate that but it does reduce the odds anyone looking to exploit it in a better your ass than mine situation thinks 2x.

3 years into mold and bug hell largely out of my control ( parents house spread black mold to my apt, it was found to be from decisions made in 2001 about how they finished their basement) Im in an apt that ends as soon as covid does. knowing this and having picked this location. Knowing my lease ended in 20 days the people who created this situation and picked where i delt with it also knew i was sans vehicle. They filed 2 dv based restraining orders in a court an hr and a half from the town and county they stuck me in while holding all my assets at their house. Ie ive recently seen you can claim to own someone sadistically mess with them pretty much abduct and move them around the state under threat of destroying everything of theirs and then if you get tired of it, set some court dates and in a way that even if i try to work myself back from nothing because ofps pass in my absences, well so long toy good luck renting with a failed background check destroyed credit and eviction for not being out the moment the covid-19 MN ban on evictions ends.  When this started i was 29 and had a bit overextended credit, missed my first payment in 11 years of having a card and had no criminal or mental health records or issues on record or otherwise. 

 Historically speaking mistreatment or abuse by police and courts has a denominator under just race.... it happens to be income/net worth. (not saying race doesn't play a role, i tend to think the focus on race is actually more an intent to prevent change by dividing otherwise united populous. aka if you can take what would have been the same problem and had whies blacks grays and plaids united in changing it then you throw a wrench in it by focusing on how it affects only one of the groups. it counts on and fuels the fires of the racist subsets backlash to fraction the support group for ending the root problem. ie police brutality or corruption being the root, well by making it BLM you throw off clevis with a straw hanging out his mouth and brother killed during a raid where Clevis and Garmoe might have even become friends in a united movement. A larger group on the general issue is more likely to accomplish change in a way that benefits them all.  but thats a tangent worthy of way more time than i have)




2) Social Awareness of the harm done by parents with personality disorders

The way the MN court and Police handle things plays right into the hands of those who previously abuse, neglect, compete with and corrode their children. 

This is partly due to society's assumptions as well. a LEO is human/a member of society  (but terminator is already doing parkour at Boston dynamics. on the plus side i might have company in line at the food shelf) 

Some officers have seemed to recognize that there is such a thing as a personality disorder but many are just as apt to fall back on social programing and assume in a situation where parents are actually sick the child is to blame. (or adult child) 

I really have to assume there is some policy at play in some jurisdictions as well. Its far too earie someone i still care for but no longer know was told the phrase i heard maybe 5 months ago.

iirc she was also choked out by her father around the same time she heard "if parents contribute anything they are going to have some control" 

I was hearing it 3 days hungry and over a year into all my things being destroyed after what i  belive maybe found to be an illegal eviction. 

 I cant remember if it was before my parents set a trap on xmas or after. When someone claims to own you and has 0 concern for your life or heartbeat ... I should be taking names and bad numbers at every encounter but where would i put it? moldy folding table one two or three?

We should probably first define the issue here

As far as im concerned NPD, ASPD and BPD abuse should have its own title. There is some work being done to get Narsastic Abuse more recognized in the psych community but i think where it needs to be is in law and family law.

or hey lets try something crazy like arbitration before we allow parents to file restraining orders. Idk this is its own can of shit. It needs to be doable but I think things like background and history need to play a role instead of this auto grant. 


What blows my mind is how no one sees this as class warfare and or transfer of wealth/destruction of the middle class. 

its relatively clear with my case... Im looking at 32 and starting from the street. except god damn i hate this. i dont want to do this anymore. i just want to be dead. 

Im not sure how I want to refer to it yet. the science and industry term is Narsastic abuse. 

What is Narcissism? 
Mirror Mirror on the wall... 
Excessive selflove and vanity are a good places to start. Im slighly wounded so im really not sure on my stance on this but at the moment i dont entirely agree the term should be used for healthy self-love. My head is saying there's a difference in the way the thought process goes or probably should be. Something along the lines of Kanyee west vs Antony kedis? 

I link some sources at some point but for now google or take my word for it.

Its been my experience lately that everyone assumes parents wouldnt do that I must be lying. 

There are some key factors 

of what people whos parent(s) have many traits of or full blow personality disorders likely endure. Without understanding the child or adult child is often blamed. Not to say i havent failed on my own...thats not what this is about but a lot of people deflect there or go there, I think if awareness is raised some of the victim-blaming can be prevented. The best i can see is abuse is cylindrical. I want to end DV against everyone we can not just women. I think the place to start is recognizing that children who grow up in abusive households need more of the focus than either of the parents. depending on the specifics parents esp of cluster b disorders are likely to re-victimize and sabotage their offspring in adulthood as well. As i found after my mother tried to push me over the railing 2 years ago, all of mns dv support is more set up to put me in jail for her actions than anything else.
In realizing I am an only child (now adult) who was raised by the unlikely but not impossible comb of two parents likely to have full blow cluster B personality disorders, ive come to realize just how little social awareness or legal awareness there is or of the damages and lengths even a single parent with a pd may go to harm a child or their adult offspring.

traits that i dont even have to guess they demonstrate are also conducive to 0 concern for legal lines or even if the offspring ends up disfigured or disabled let alone dead.

2.5) Social Awareness that some states have laws that would seem to put private or corporate for-profit business in charge of detaining citizens with little to no expectation of appeal, trial, right to console and very little in the way of probable cause and or standards of evidence. 

these holds would appear to also be against historically accepted norms in Minnesota as well. 

Take for instance property damage in MN (as far as i can see) becomes criminal around $1000

or in other words its a  police and you might end detained/ in jail/more and or more but the line was once clearly drawn. Taking someones time and or holding them against their will are supposed to be rather serious offences. if poorly defined criteria exist for doing so I cant see good things in our future. 

here is the 72 hr hold statue and peace officer hold is on the same page if i recall correctly 

there is no such stipulation of value or even whos property on the legislation for 72 hr holds in mn. the title is a bit misleading as well as they dont count weekends. the way its written eschews any value or ownership requirements and is along the lines of "Immediate risk to self, others or property" with such a poorly defined law you may end up detained 5 days for threatening to break your own #2 pencil. 

ill go into the details of mine in another post. that said in reading the law it didnt exactly match either of the holds in execution. perhaps more tell tail is at a later runin with the officer who executed it i was told "I didnt use any specific legislation" which might have been closer to the truth than a deflection. 

the law isnt all bad and might be capable of doing some good. I just dont find it likely to accomplish any when the system is set with no regard to oversight, appeals and other traditional staples of justice in this country. along those lines i have nothing against profit either or hybrid agreements between gov and corp. The issue comes when its used to bypass or erode the rights of the citizens.

in the little time i had free over the last year and was able to eat (kinda important for concentration) I managed to call the place i was held and the state bar hotline. The release to authorize getting my records never showed and the bar advice hotline was along the lines of : no one wants to touch these cases. 

which means with little fear of any suit to any of the powers involved there is no incentive not to abuse this/little fear of penalty for bending or breaking even the weak guidelines established in the statute. 

my best guess as to why they are so losse on criteria is an educated guess based on a business ethics course. Ethical actions of corps are for the stakeholders and profit about sums up that course. The Hospitals accepting these patients are maybe slightly tapered by medical ethics but at some level become business.

if you think about it, the hospital is open 24/7. meaning even overnight they have at least one MD on staff and a nursing staff plus building/facility support and maintenance. All these costs are injured regardless of if they accept mental/medical/emergency holds.

I have yet to find how the agreement works but if we analyze from the hypothetical of per head gov to private payment per night/day/bed I think it makes a lot if the why it is that way pretty plausibly explained.

if you take in those who are the actually enraged and no one else that probably would have been ok or was totally calm when approached,,, what does you bottom line look like?

is it not pretty likely that you end up with damaged or destroyed assets and workers comp/injured employees? might you need to call in additional staff to subdew the truly psychotic ones? 

what if you figured in writing the law vaguely you could pretty much ensure that lets say 75% are just going to sit calmly for 3-5 days wondering something along the lines of  what the/how the fuck? but otherwise not breaking anything or causing issues?

well with criteria respecting citizens liberties, probable cause, requiring standards of evidence, and ultimately likely to produce holds of more energetic and destructive indivigules I think there's a decent arguments here we are trading rights for corp bottom lines. 

more info on emergency holds in mn:

about 7 months ago it crossed my mind that wow both taco bell and BK are trying to push these replacements for the persona t the counter in form of touch screen ( TB really needs to hire a UI designer i tried that 2 months ago and end up taking my card out and getting in line) but i was also aware that 2 years ago or more Amazon had demonstrated a store with no cashiers or much in the way of staff at all. Between taping phone as a 2nd factor of authennt on entry and cameras hooked to facial and object recognition programing libraries, probably some rfid tags as well.... You walk in, put what you want in your bag and your prime account is billed as you walk out. remove an object from your bag? it comes off the tab, cameras watch everything. Then maybe 2 months ago right before covid-19 kicked up in the us, an atonomous truck drove coast to coast to deliver a load of butter. 

whats this have to do with the above? for about the last year already existing tech could overnight drop 30% of americans onto unemployment. I think as a species we have an approaching moral crisis. some of the first issues are going to be is creating criminals or medical prisioners really an ethical way to create jobs in any given state?  

my primary interest has always been tech but i have some formal edu in business as well. As far as im concerned the argument that the repair and machine creation jobs will ever match those lost by the authorization is laughable. 

remember biz ethics? profit? 

machine + paying same amount of people same amount = less profit. 

but further down the ethical rabbit hole.... whats the point / if you can sell with out paying hardly anyone... where does this end i cant see it not eventually breaking the concept of consumer economy using in a lot of destruction?

I dont think the issue is pop i think its energy production and i think we have the tech to make the energy and fertilize the fields. We had thorium reactors for the airforce in 1960. but thats a topic for another day. hit youtube and google LFTR if i peaked your interest. Its a design that requires circulation to make heat. ie pump stops nothing goes boom.  it can likely be done closed cycle and possibly recycle the current uranium waste we are looking into symbology to make framing hyroglifs because it will be dangerous for that long. it solves a lot of issues and we had it working 60 years ago if not more. 


3) legislative reform
I somewhat doubt this will happen with out point 2 and or with out mainstream media coverage its unlikely but if its still possible for the people to influence gov at even a local level the place to start is probably with social awareness. A wonderful outcome to that would an adjustment of legislation. I find it more likely ill be dead in the coming months than ever see anything change or come of this but at least i can hope I might help even one other person who ends up or is being brought up between a rock and a hard place.

---------------------------------------------------------
i was 29 when this started and though i had acess to their house and come and go as you please 2k6 to 2018. I had left their house for ndsu in 2006 and the longest continuous time i had been back inbetween was 6mo in 2014.
-----------------------------------------------------------
things ive heard during the last 3 years of hell:
----------------------------------------------------------

"im going to make you suffer for taking my time with my husband"

"looks like you need someone to take control"

"I need control because i want control"

"you have to understand i do what i want when i want"

"mom those are two conflicting directives"
"THATS THE POINT"

"I would never intend to hurt you"
"no one here has ever hurt you"
"you deserve it for being a spoiled brat"
"you deserve it because you are weird"
"I know that diagnosis is bad but in my professional medical opinion you need medication anyway for your anger" (after falsified police reports lead to a 72 hr hold)

"we stocked your kitchen with all the bibs you need"
"ill do worse than that (false police reports) if you dont stop hurting us" (7 months into clean our car or lose everything that was yours)
------------------------------------------------------------

I know at least one other person from long ago experienced parents similar to mine (sans mold)(also im sure others have im speaking to personal stories I know not attempting to order or scale savarity of anyone readings or say i have it worst blah blah)

I know one other person who was told by mgpd if she accepts anything from her parents they will have control. in the last year I was told almost exactly that despite the facts listed above like not having lived there and being maybe 8 months into you just dont live there anymore all your assets do.

this has to change. I understand its a complex situation but it seems the way mgpd has policized dealing with it is the easiest for them at the expense of young lives or even adults having propertrights.

its a bit more extreme when you also hear its not check fraud, they can open your mail if it came to their address, if we put on record they are unreliable witnesses the department might be liable and "its not illegal to claim to own someone" all with in maybe 10 min of meeting with one officer who all the sudden becomes two. "just so you know you arnt getting the opinion of just one cop" yeah i know how two on one works. story of my life

well after this meeting

another officer in mg: "I DIDNT SEE THAT, PUT THE PHONE AWAY"

he insisted I lived the life while for last 3 years ive had my life at stake for problems I could not have controlled. while seperated from assets i may have used to earn or liquidated to buy myself out of a situation where my parents outright claim own me and treat me about like property. 30 days hungry last year. clean our moldy car or lose all your assets.

i had moved back in all the sudden "you dont live here anymore"

"its not theft you gave them your things"

which has enabled my parents to continusolousy command my time with threat they are destroyed donated recycled otherwise gone and includes the remains of a pet i had from 2007 -2018.

I have a feeling (based on being old enough to remember anthrax in the mail post 9/11) that sending a state official an envolope of black mold would merit a lot of police wanting to see a lot of things. But when being forced to remediate it (something im not qualified for ) with my valuables under lock and key and threat... im living the life aparently

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